My own little secrets

I never want to work outside of the house till the day I die I want to make a living off my art, even though I'll never be good that. I want to write a book, but my grammar sucks, and even though people tell me I should I know I would suck at it. Everything makes me feel guilty, even that $4 coffee. I lack self confidence, even though I have been told I am intimidating more than once. I desire to be one of those pretty skinny girls that look awesome everyday, but I know I will never be that. I'm far to ugly and chubby to achieve that. I want to go back to age 12 and start over, or at least 3 months after I married Sloan when we chose to have kids. Every time Facebook recommends I friend my bully I want to message him that he ruined who I am, but then that means after all these years he still won...which he has. I hate being a mom. Everyday I struggle very hard mentally It annoys me to see moms that enjoy life, when I have to be heavily medicated just to survive it. People think I just want attention, but I'm actually saying what I truly think and feel. I have been told many times in public that I'm horrible mom because of Jase complaining that he wants to go home and I get mad because I can't ever go anywhere because of him complaining. I want to be able to take Caroline to the beach without hearing Jase a minute into the trip bitching and screaming to go home. I'm anxious every single day meds or no meds. I'm still fighting depression, meds or no meds. I hate my life and I don't know how to like it