Hello my name is Kendra, and I have a mental illness

I keep telling myself this when I have a bad day, "it's not your fault, it's time to stop blaming yourself". For a week I have had what I call my bad days, and I have to keep reminding myself, you have a metal illness. I'm learning to force myself out of my anxiety by doing some art, craft, read, etc to get my mind to calm down. My anxiety attacks are not short lasting, they last hours sometimes, and the whole time it feels like I would think a heart attack feels like. You may be thinking my gosh this is all she talks about it seems! But there is a reason, talking or typing makes me feel better, it's like a release for me. The only way I can explain it is you know when you have to pee really bad it hurts, and when you finally get to go you get this instant feel of relief? That is the way this is for me. I realized that on our long drive up to North county this past Sunday. You see Sloan is my best friend, and really over the years has turned into the only person that will sit and listen to me and randomness. But, with that comes worry, worry that he does not need. He knows everyday I struggle to make it through the day, and he has seen me turn from this happy person, to a miserable almost shell. He worries about me because of this, and I don't like for his stressful life to be anymore more stressful because of me. Finally though I opened up to him... I can't focus...on anything...in fact it's amazing I did so well in my last years of college Loud noises stress me out(ie the tv) I worry about..well I have no idea and that frustrates me Everything frustrates me because I can't focus I have to keep busy all day, but the kids don't allow that so I get frustrated, and then angry The idea of not having the one person that understands I'm struggling for 6 months, scares me...I love my parents but they suck at listening to me, always have When I get frustrated or anxious, I shut down I can't sleep Everything is horrible circle with me, but I'm learning to accept that this is who I am now, if only it would just go away though so I can be the old me.